The ‘Great American State Fair’ Crashes and Burns Like a Fyre Festival Disaster

Donald Trump’s State Fair is a catastrophic spectacle, a Fyre Festival-level disaster that epitomizes the absurdity of 2026 America. Misspelled “Freedom” on a billboard, a shoddy plywood arch, and $23 turkey legs set the stage for this farce. Happy Fourth of July, folks!

Marketed as a grand celebration for America’s 250th birthday, the fair in Washington has been plagued by vast stretches of empty pavement and poorly attended exhibits. Organizers point fingers at timing, weather, and the sprawling two-mile site. In a nation of 342 million, how could anyone expect to fill such a massive area? And who could have predicted July heat?

Critics are reveling in the schadenfreude.

To be fair to the organizers, severe storms wreaked havoc during opening weekend, forcing closures and cancellations of major events. Frozen food and ice cream melted away, leaving booths shuttered. A significant power outage occurred. Residents were advised to shelter in place as rain and thunder rolled in. The weather was described as “biblical” or “apocalyptic,” but those terms might be too fitting for this debacle.

The weather excuse didn’t fully account for the continued low attendance after the storms passed. It also failed to explain the unraveling entertainment lineup leading up to the fair: even Vanilla Ice dropped out after his set was canceled due to “inclement weather.”

This was particularly unfortunate because Robert Van Winkle, known as Vanilla Ice, had spent days promoting his appearance, claiming it would be “uniting.” He could have easily rescheduled his performance; the schedule lacked any A-listers (or even B-listers), but clearly, there was no will to do so.

Still, a band performed a lackluster rendition of Beyoncé’s ‘Crazy in Love’ to a sparse audience of five in front of a large flag. That should do it.

For reasons only known to RFK Jr., the fair kicked off with “MAHA Monday.” The connection to “Make America Healthy Again” was unclear: there were a few MAHA-branded brochures and speakers with dubious credentials (a chiropractor with unconventional health views and an anti-vaccine lawyer), but little else to justify the label.

In an odd twist, there was a pancake-eating contest judged partly by audience applause, an unfortunate choice given that videos showed only a handful of spectators cheering on four contestants.

The official US Department for Rural Affairs tweeted about USDA RD intern Douglas Ford winning the Freedom 250 Pancake Eating Competition. If that’s not patriotism, what is?

As the president insisted everything was fantastic at the fair, observers noted a sculpture in the Texas pavilion that attendees were encouraged to write on had “86-47” inscribed—an apparent reference to removing Trump, the 47th president, using restaurant lingo where “86” means to remove an item.

By Wednesday, it became evident that anyone planning to visit the fair in the coming weeks would find little excitement: a solitary Ferris Wheel was the only ride available, and popular fair foods like funnel cakes and corndogs were notably absent. However, if you’re into deserted attempts at Christian worship, you’re in luck!

“Do you think people appreciate what a fantastic job we did in building and operating the Great American State Fair at the National Mall, packed with happy people, and everybody loving it?” Number 47 posted on Truth Social while people laughed at the Freedom 250 ghost town.

“Ask yourself this simple question: ‘DO YOU THINK THAT OBUMA [sic] OR SLEEPY JOE BIDEN COULD HAVE DONE IT?’ THE ANSWER IS NO.” On Wednesday, he claimed he delivered a “packed to the brim” speech to 45,000 people. No evidence supports that claim, but why bother with evidence anyway?

The fair limps on amid reports of $9 lemonades and $24 stuffed pretzels. With two weeks left for improvement, how they plan to achieve that is as murky as the algae-ridden Reflecting Pool that may have been vandalized by anti-Trump miscreants rather than mishandled by contractors.

I’ll have to agree with Donald J. Trump on this one: Obama (Obuma?) could never.